New series: Hilarious emails we get

I haven’t posted that often on this blog, but as we grow, I think I can start to dedicate a little more time to signs of life on our ‘corporate’ site. One of the things we did every so often back when were were called Green Options Media was publish random hilariously misinformed or unaligned emails that we would get. And we still get a lot of them, usually to old email address that are still in PR databases somewheres.

So, to wit:

Hi There, My name is Tina from

I am the SEO and marketing manager over here. As you probably know, having backlinks from related sites helps increase your rankings in Google. Well, I was just doing a search on for “Body Armor News” and your site popped up! This is you, right? Well, check it out… Since we both target a similar audience, Google will give us BOTH extra love if we each place a simple link to one another. Not a lot of work and plenty of benefit to both of us.

I know you probably get requests like this all the time, I know I sure do. So, to stand out, I went above and beyond by setting up a customized page telling my site visitors about your great site! 🙂 Check it out right here: I think I’ve ALREADY sent you a few visitors! And, that’s just the start! If you feel like returning the favor, simply pass this message on to your web master and ask them place a friendly link from your homepage pointing to my site (

…blah blah blah. A few comments from me (feel free to chime in with your own):

1) Yes, Cleantechnica is one of our sites. No, I do not see it on the first few pages of Google for the term “body armor news.” I’m sure she does, though.

2) WOW, THANKS for going above and beyond with that link to us. Unfortunately, I don’t see any way to interpret a link on to as “friendly” — interesting choice of words to associate with STAB-PROOF VEST.

3) Wait, is this even from a real person? Aw man, you mean I wasted all this time making fun of your personalized bot spam… geez, NOW who’s the idiot? Me.

How egregiously annoying are these emails? SO.

Author: wpengine

This is the "wpengine" admin user that our staff uses to gain access to your admin area to provide support and troubleshooting. It can only be accessed by a button in our secure log that auto generates a password and dumps that password after the staff member has logged in. We have taken extreme measures to ensure that our own user is not going to be misused to harm any of our clients sites.